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Kevin: Hello all of my beautiful noobs out there! So I know this isn't our normal episode drop date, that would be tomorrow, but tomorrow is our 50th episode. Well, actually I guess this would technically be our 50th- Oh, I just messed it up. Darn it. Okay, whatever. You know what I mean. So tomorrow is our real 50th official episode, and Michelle doesn't know I'm doing this, but I've been collecting some outtakes from our various off-mic discussions over the last two years that we've been doing this podcast, and I thought as a way to celebrate our 50th episode, I'd share it with the world. It has been so much fun doing this episode, and Michelle, I'd love to meet with you. And I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you, our listeners, because if it weren't for you, it would just be Michelle and I talking to each other, and that might be kind of weird and bizarre. Although we still probably keep doing it, don't get me wrong. So thank you so much for listening and for sticking with us. If you're a newer listener, this might be a great time to go back into the archives and check out some of our past episodes, and help us celebrate our 50th episode. I'd like to ask, if you haven't already gone into iTunes and left us a review, I would really, really appreciate it if you could just take two minutes right now and do that. It really, really helps us, and it helps other listeners like us. And of course, you can connect with us on Facebook at facebook.com slash nutrition4noobs, and through email at n4noobs at gmail.com. That's N, the letter 4, N-O-O-B-S at gmail.com. So thank you all for 50 amazing episodes, and thank you, Michelle, for 50 amazing episodes. So eat your greens and be real, everyone, and I hope you enjoy the next several minutes of total unfettered silliness. And Michelle, surprise! I see. Okay, that makes sense. And just a note to our listeners, it's really too bad you can't see this, because the hand motions that Michelle is making as she's talking about food moving through the digestive tract are really quite hilarious. It's definitely giving you the visual of that, and we'll just leave it at that. Just leave it to your imagination, but it truly is funny.

Michelle: I don't even know what I just did. Okay, I'm glad that's it.

Kevin: Well, good thing this is an audio podcast and not a video podcast. That'll just be lost in history.

Michelle: Now I'm wondering if it should be a vodcast.

Kevin: It's just in my mind now, and I'll never get that out. I'll send you my psychoanalyst bill later. So here we go. We'll keep that in. That's a good introduction. There's our new theme song. There we go. Sorry, just a note. Sorry to interrupt. You're covering your mouth when you're talking. Oh, sorry. Just try to keep your...

Michelle: It's because I'm salivating. Okay, that's enough. We need the cane now. We need to pull you off stage.

Kevin: Exactly, exactly. So thank you for listening, and don't forget, eat your crickets.

Michelle: No, be real, everyone. Just eat real food.

Kevin: And eat your crickets too. They're delicious. And the occasional scorpion. Just make sure it's dead first.

Michelle: Be real. Real, be real.

Kevin: And eat your crickets. Okay, enough, enough, enough.

Michelle: I'm gonna punch you in the face right now.

Kevin: Yeah, exactly. Hey, welcome back to... What's the podcast called? Oh, wait. Okay, start again. Cut. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Serious, serious. And first off, I guess we should probably introduce ourselves. Did we introduce ourselves? Oh my God, I'm so out of it.

Michelle: Okay.

Kevin: Did I say I'm Kevin and you're Michelle?

Michelle: Yes, you did.

Kevin: Okay. Thank God for editing. Okay. Well, you know what?

Michelle: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, Kevin, but...

Kevin: I'm used to it.

Michelle: I'm sorry. You know what?

Kevin: No.

Michelle: Edit that and continue and then I'll give you my thought. You just gave me an inspired story.

Kevin: Go for it.

Michelle: Oh, yeah. You want me to go for it? Okay, you're gonna have to edit this whole thing.

Kevin: That's okay. Or maybe I'll just leave it all in.

Michelle: No, don't do that. It makes me sound so stupid. So rude. You got me excited.

Kevin: Yeah, that's good. This is the real Michelle. This is the Michelle I want to bottle for our listeners.

Michelle: Oh my God. So record.

Kevin: Okay, and I'm hitting record and you can hear that?

Michelle: Okay. So how many times do you get to hear me go?

Kevin: I have got a long collection of you going la la la la la.

Michelle: You should actually mash it up into like a song.

Kevin: I'm gonna do a super cut of it. Of just you going la la la la la. And we'll see how consistent you are with your la la la's. We won't do my la la's because those are not musical. Okay, let's do the countdown. Three.

Michelle: Hold on just a second. I just lost your face. I have to find your face. What happened to your face?

Kevin: Where did your face go? You're not missing much. Trust me. You're not missing much.

Michelle: What app do I find your face in?

Kevin: It'll be FaceTime.

Michelle: Oh, there it is. FaceTime. Found it. Okay, now I see you.

Kevin: Yay. Totally.

Michelle: Good?

Kevin: Yes.

Michelle: I was waiting for you. I was waiting for you to comment or something.

Kevin: Oh, I'm supposed to have some smart ass comment. I certainly want to live longer. Oh my God, it's not automatic.

Michelle: What do you mean it's not automatic?

Kevin: Shoot. Oh, no, that's my... So it looks like we lost our first call.

Michelle: No, no, I've got it on this side.

Kevin: Oh, you've got it on that side. Oh, okay, okay.

Michelle: Because it was mine.

Kevin: Oh, okay, okay.

Michelle: He's always... The producer, the show producer is constantly paranoid about we're going to lose files because it has happened once.

Kevin: Let's do our own theme song.

Michelle: I actually really love our intro.

Kevin: I think it's an amazing intro. When we came back, I toyed with changing it up and finding a new song, but then I decided, no, it's close to my heart.

Michelle: I love it.

Kevin: It's... Yeah. See, I don't even need to... I can sing it without... We don't even need it anymore.

Michelle: I picture like Animal from the Muppets. Oh, yeah.

Kevin: With Dr. Teeth on the piano. No, no, it was... No, Dr... No, it was the dog, Rolf. Rolf on the piano. Dr. Teeth was the guitarist, maybe.

Michelle: I don't know where they were.

Kevin: Yeah, they were cool. I don't know. Anyways, welcome to Nutrition for Noobs, everyone.

Michelle: No, that's not the intro.

Kevin: Yes, that's the intro. That's officially the intro now. It's either going to be the intro or else it's going to be the excerpt of the end.

Michelle: I'm sure we've lost our listener already.

Kevin: Most likely. But this is not actually a podcast about the Muppets. This is Nutrition for Noobs.

Michelle: It is. I knew you were going to like the answer to that one.

Kevin: I love it. Thank you. Thank you for bringing that to the table. That's amazing.

Michelle: That's why I led with the emulsifiers.

Kevin: The emulsifiers, exactly. Because you know that I wouldn't be paying attention if you led with the astronauts. You know me.

Michelle: The emulsifiers are sexy to me, man. I was like, I knew it!

Kevin: I need to do some research from the emulsifiers. From your reaction to that.

Michelle: Okay, cool. And...

Kevin: Come off mute, Michelle.

Michelle: I'm sorry.

Kevin: This is going to be a buried Easter egg at the end of the episode.

Michelle: Oh my gosh.

Kevin: I guarantee it. A new setting today and hopefully...

Michelle: Do you want me...

Kevin: No, don't touch anything. Nope, nope, nope. I'm trying to fix it at my end. So no, because if you do something, then I've already tried to compensate. So we'll see.

Michelle: Are you calling me loud?

Kevin: No.

Michelle: You wouldn't be the first person.

Kevin: I'm calling me quiet. That's what I'm... I'm just a quiet little wallflower.

Michelle: I've been accused of being loud.

Kevin: Never.

Michelle: That sounds familiar.

Kevin: Never. Never in a million years.

Michelle: I prefer to refer to myself as spirited.

Kevin: You're very present. You're present in everything you do.

Michelle: I am.

Kevin: There is a... You better get another co-host because I won't be able to control myself. It's like, you know me.

Michelle: That's okay. The listeners love you. It's all good.

Kevin: If we go too scatological, maybe not. I don't know.

Michelle: Hey, you shouldn't be afraid of your poop.

Kevin: I'm not afraid of my poop.

Michelle: You shouldn't be afraid to talk about your poop.

Kevin: I'm not afraid to talk about my poop.

Michelle: Okay, there's definitely a poop episode. We can do that. Are we going to record again on like Saturday or Sunday night?

Kevin: Yeah, let's...

Michelle: Let's do a poop episode.

Kevin: Yeah, exactly. Let's do a poop episode. Sure. Right after, you know, because poop follows after fiber. Hey, welcome back to Nutrition for Noobs. Oh my god, what are you doing?

Michelle: I'm just laughing at you. I'm sorry.

Kevin: Don't laugh at me. Oh my god. Okay. Professional, professional, professional. Perfect. Okay, I have a good intro for that.

Michelle: Let me just blow my nose.

Kevin: Okay. Oh, see, we should have gotten that. Okay, do it into the microphone so we have a good...

Michelle: I've got performance anxiety now.

Kevin: A good sound effect for the last episode. Performance anxiety for blowing your nose.

Michelle: I tried to blow it really hard for you.

Kevin: That's okay. That's more like a fart. Yeah, exactly. That's more of a fart. Do we have a fart episode coming up? Are farts really healthy? Okay. Hey, and welcome back to Nutrition for Noobs Summer Shorts. This is where we're taking a few weeks to have shorter episodes and allowing everyone to enjoy their summer a little... No, that's stupid. Allowing everyone to enjoy their summer as if, like, listening to us, you can't enjoy summer.

Michelle: Blah, blah, blah.

Kevin: Yeah, exactly. Okay, start again. Start again. Hey, welcome back to Nutrition for Nudes... Nudes? Nudes? What's a nude? Okay. I'm not a nude! A nude!

Michelle: Actually, I guess you wouldn't know.

Kevin: No, exactly. We haven't had a video call. Okay, okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. Okay.